GRILL

People often ask me what I use when I grill. Do I use the latest grilling technology? No. I do not use anything I consider to be "technology." I use objects. These are the things you will need when you grill. End of discussion.

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MEAT

No "vegetable burgers," no kabobs, no chicken thighs. This isn't a tea party. Meat is spelled C-O-W or P-I-G.

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CHARCOAL

No easy light briquettes. Charcoal should be clean and produce virtually zero smoke when fully lit.

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CHARCOAL CHIMNEY

These can be found at hardware stores. Place a piece or two of crumpled newspaper in the bottom, fill the top with charcoal and light. When the briquettes are red hot...

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CHARCOAL CHIMNEY

...pour them into your grill and you are ready to begin cooking. If you do not have newspaper, feel free to use any correspondence you have with the IRS. They do not deserve to know your business.

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A GRILL

The ideal grill has been used many times before, cleaned properly after each use. I made mine when I was seven out of brick and iron. We've grilled many meats together.

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KNIFE

You will need this to prepare the steaks before grilling. A good steel blade, properly sharpened will suffice. Using a knife during eating is optional. Humans have canine teeth for a purpose.

YOU DO NOT NEED:

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VEGETABLES

If you are hungry for more food after you finish eating your meat, then grill more meat. Do not resort to vegetables.

YOU DO NOT NEED:

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LIGHTER FLUID

If you are in a hurry and need your charcoal to get hot quickly, then forget grilling altogether and pick a day when you have more time.

YOU DO NOT NEED:

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FRUIT

Please leave this site and do not return.

BBQ Sauce

Ron Swanson BBQ Sauce

A delicious thick, rich and bold sauce, great on a turf 'n' turf and all cuts of meat. More »

Meat

Hierarchy of Meat

Unlike humans, not all meat is equal. Here is the Ron Swanson Hierarchy of Meat for quick reference. More »